Title: Trompe l'oeil for two
Pairing: Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, both post-war and canon-compatible through HBP! Also implied Ron/Hermione.
Summary: Messrs. Moony and Padfoot are far from a still life, even if they're technically dead.
Warnings: same-sex hanky-panky, overly precious children arising from heterosexual union, humour/fluff. Absolutely no necrophilia, I promise.
Length: 1800 words, or, an Eloise-sized drabble.
Disclaimer: Although Harry Potter himself does not appear in any part of this story, all the characters contained herein are from the Harry Potter series. They are owned by J. K. Rowling, whose seventh book will definitely not be entitled "Sirius Black and the Lusty Lycanthrope Who Loved Him". All characters used without permission and without intent to profit.
Author's notes: This silly little ficlet is my attempt at reconciling Remus/Sirius with OotP without resorting to denial. Trompe l'oeil is a painting technique, literally French for "trick the eye", wherein extreme realism is used to create an optical illusion. My thanks to imogenelovelace, who is as good a beta reader as she is a wife, and that's saying a great deal!
Signing the last of the documents, the Minister of Magic thrust tired, bestockinged feet on the desk in front of her, and reclined in her chair, massaging her aching temples. She summoned a cup of chamomile tea and set it down on her very pregnant belly.
*snickers* That's brilliant - such a fantastic idea! And wow, Hermione's sure been keepig busy; I'm pretty sure Ron's not complaining too much if they had the time to make five kids :P And of course, yay, Sirius/Remus! Now to see what happens to Percy...*giggles*
What happened to Percy is that the drabble exploded. Into a novella.
This is why I worship people who write short things and then don't get sucked into a full on epic that covers from coming out to happily ever after. :)
As far as I'm concerned, Busy!Political!Hermione and Househusband!Ron is total canon. I'll be simply crushed if the epilogue in DH reveals more traditional gender roles. :)
Oooh, this makes me happy on so many levels. It has so many of my favorite things. MoM/MumHermione! with her happy, immature, nonhomophobic househusband Ron! Sirius/Remus smut and afterlife happiness! Bizarre children's names! Karmic justice! Snarky, non-evil Draco and Snape! Secretly gay Percy! Evil twins! Atist Dean! And a wonderfully droll, smirky, unruffled and authoratative tone of narrative!
Though, slightly non-plussing is the complete lack of Harry. (Unless I missed it, I might have.) :o?
Ths line made me aw: Hermione was really quite happy to find they hadn't been as lonely as she'd always thought
Haha, you totally spotted the pink elephant in the room - the lack of Harry! My beta was all like, "So, uh, now that you've accounted for every single minor character, dude, where's Harry?" and I started wailing, "I don't know! Don't make me choose! Woe!"
My beta (being awesome) then talked me through the fact that I'm not at all sure that Harry isn't dead at the end of book 7. Having come to that realization, I didn't want to be all shoving that in people's faces because it would rather compromise the lighthearted comedic tone, you know?
I am kind of torn between the "Harry=horcrux and totally going to die" camp, and thinking that it's a children's book so that won't possibly happen. However, if you're asking me what happens in my head in an open Canon, Harry is dead, and on the off chance that he isn't dead, he is off nursing a drug problem abroad. Where this comes from in my general fluffy happily-ever-after worldview and my great fondness for Harry, I have no idea, but I continued to carefully avoid mentioning Harry in the sequel as well.
Anyway, I'm so glad you liked this, and thanks so much for listing all of the specific elements that worked for you!
Ah, I know how you feel. I don't think Harry is a Horcrux, but I can't shake the feeling of "Oh, he is SO going to be dead."
I always just mentally pair him up with Ginny/Luna/Draco/Tonks/whatever character is at hand, then try not to think about it. )=
(The drug problem theory is interesting. I've never heard that one before.)
I am now goimg to commence on your sequel, because oliver/Percy do not get near enough love as tehy deserve.
Awww, Harry/Luna is my favorite! Yay! I also love H/D, but it's totally not going to happen canonically. Harry/Luna really had me being a convinced enthusiastic supporter for a while. Would be so sweet, really. I love Luna!
I suppose we'll find out this summer whether that unshakable feeling of Harry-doom is justified or not. I am taking the fact that there's an actual HOTLINE being set up for people to call because 2 major characters are dying, to be rather in support of Harry dying (horcrux or not). Because really, would there be a 1-800-I-MISS-FRED set up? Especially since past books have all involved supporting character deaths.
I hope you enjoy the sequel! I had so, so much fun with it because Oliver/Percy do not get the love they deserve!
Surely you jest! A help line?! That's...well, here's hoping the two main characters who perish are Draco and Snape. They're major characters, right? RIGHT?!
Actually, I'm pretty sure Hagrid is a dead man, going by the patterns of the previous two books.
PoA: Sirius is big character. GoF: Sirius has, like, two cameos. OotP: Sirius is huge and then dead.
SS thru GoF: Dumbledore is big character. OotP: DD is out and about on business through most of book. HPB: DD is Harry's best friend, and then dead.
SS thru OotP: Hagrid is very important character. HPB: Hagrid isn't here; he's helping the giants! Book 7: ... I'm beginning to see a pattern here.
Well, I have to promise myself I'll be happy so long as it isn't Hermione and Ron...or Luna...or any of the Weasleys...or McGonagall...or Neville... or Tonks...or, well, any of the likeable characters really. Though, I'm torn between wanting Lupin to die and be reunited with Sirius or living and settling down with Tonks and being happy for a change. It's all so confusing.
Currently reading Plein Aire- very funny. :D
Sadly, no. I am not even capable of making something like that up!
I definitely agree Snape is going to die, but I don't know if he counts as one of the hotline-worthy deaths. I mean, Alan Rickman being ultra-hot aside, it's implied at the last book that Snape's a bad guy, although I think we're going to find out in book 7 that's not really the case, so I don't think it'll be more hotline-worthy than Cedric or Sirius or Dumbledore.
Draco - I kind of feel like killing him and Snape off is kind of redundant, in that they're the same kind of character with respect to the war.
My personal theory is that at least one twin has to die (because, you know, having two of them is redundant, because they're so symbiotic and identical in personality as well as appearance... plus, the tragedy of the lone!solemn!joker!twin, would be so gutwrenching). Charlie is also on my WeasleyDeathWatch because he has gotten about 0 character development so far in canon, as fond as I've grown of him in fanon.
I am so totally into your pattern! And even before that rather stunning piece of logic, I kind of got the deathly-vibes from Hagrid anyway. Now I am totally sold on it.
I totally know what you mean with being torn about wanting Remus to live or not. I was all set to be a big Remus/Tonks shipper given that Sirius was out of the picture, but then I totally loathed the way it was handled in HbP. I'm hoping book 7 will give me a better view of their relationship dynamic, because really, I'm all for it as long as Tonks doesn't become all lame and passive-aggressive and Remus doesn't become all reluctantly capitulating.
Somehow I have to be able to make all of this death predicting into a betting pool with my immediate family. *schemes*
And so glad you're enjoying the fic! Yay! :D
Wow. I truly hope to never be at such an emotional lowpoint that I have to call a hotline for help with a character death. :S (That's what I have fanfiction and AU for! Yay for coping mechanisms!)
I agree with you that Snape will end up being For The Good and that Alan Rickman is delectable, but I think he's more popular than you give him credit for. Snarky bastard though he may be, he has legions of adoring fans, a great portion of whom are probably the type to be needing mental health, because, let's face it, if you're that attached to someone who really isn't a nice guy-hotness of his movie avatar not with standing- than you have some definite emotional issues. (His fans quite scare me actually.) It's a similar case with Draco, though the idea of Draco and Snape essentially being the same person war-wise is quite intriguing. Though, on further thought, it seems to make sense that Snape and Draco will both end up redeeming themselves but Snape will die while Draco will not. Sort of the death of the old, new dawn kinda thing in which Draco has to take up the role abandoned by Snape. (Which I think is kinda what you were getting at.)
Speaking of redemption, I'm afeared that that is also going to Percy's killer. He has to be reconciled with his family, I know that, but it would be Oh So Very Damatic and Fitting if he did that through some great heroic act and never did end up with his One True Love. (Same with Peter, only
Charlie, I s'pose I could live with Charlie dying as he is the least developed Weasley character. It would make more sense than killing off Bill, whose relationship with Fleur, while sweet and charming, played a larger role in the last book than it probably should have, and it would be an easier blow than Mr. and Mrs. W. or any of the other Weasley children. Killing off one of the twins would just be cruel-even for JKR- and I think the angst would curdle my insides. So my bet is no in that regards.
(And yes, Hagrid is clearly doomed. )= There's nothing to do but become deattached from him.)
Unfortunately for me, I became an R/S shipper about two weeks before HPB came out, so the emergence of Remus/Tnks (who I had seen as more of a mentor kinda relationship as Tonks was CLEARLY into Kingsley in OotP)only left me befuddled and confused. I wasn't sure how to handle the development and decided to be happy since it clearly meant Remus was going to survive because surely JKR wouldn't be so cruel as to offer him love and hope and a future only to snatch it away! I have since re-evaluated every part of that initial judgement-in large part thanks to the wonderful braiinwashing effect of the R/S fandom- and now, like you, can only hope that Tonks will Suck It Up, realize there's a war going on, and stop acting like a teenager and that Remus will realize that he deserves to be happy. (I think I would hate JKR forever if she killed off Tonks but not Remus. Except...not really, because..)=)
Hm... Tell me how that scheming works out for you, I might be able to implement one into my own family.
Finished Plein Aire, will now stop rambling and give proper review.
To be fair, I bet the hotlines are aimed at the youngest readers. And, since you have been reading R-rated stories, it's probably safe to assume you're past your preteens (as am I!). But still, I find the idea intriguing because it implies someone the readers care about more than the previous deaths... And you're so right about the coping mechanisms. Yay, AU!
But you know, if book 7 kills Percy (oh I hope so much that you're wrong, even though it's a very appealing argument!), I'll at least enjoy knowing that the hotline is there. :)
Your assessment of the Snape situation made me laugh, and it's also dead-on. (No pun intended.)
I rather suspect that Snape will die and that Draco will just be redeemed (maybe taking over for Snape with some essential thing, etc., what have you). Draco really *has* to be redeemed, after he spent the last book being emo in the bathroom with Moaning Myrtle, whom even Harry derides. Poor lad. Although if he died, it would definitely be hotline-worthy.
I totally thought Bill/Fleur was one of the highlights of HBP as the only well-handled romantic relationship. It may be slight over-identification with her mother-in-law issues, but ha, when Fleur managed to simultaneously lay the smack down upon the British, their cooking, and the Weasleys while also declaring her love for her fiance, all in one elegant sentence, she totally *won* the best female character award.
The inside-curdling angst (great phrase! You must write fic, yes?) of the twin-death is what makes me find it almost hotline worthy although they are more peripheral characters. You're right that it would be cruel... but it would be so uber-angsty!
Right now I'm thinking the family betting pool might involve putting together a Lives-Dies-Dies-Lives-Dies set of predictions for *all* of the characters, and then the person who gets the most right, wins... but it's more fun to place bets on an individual character. Hmmm. Maybe we can do both. I think I'll have a hard time finding anyone in the spouse/siblings/parents/in-laws circle who doesn't think Harry is going to die, though, because we've all been conspiring together. :)
*cough* Yes, not a pre-teen. << >> In all honesty, I think the hotlines are aimed at people my age (mid teens) because I'm not sure anyone under, oh, twelve would really know about the hotline or know how to use it. (I actually have this AU kicking around in my head where Voldemort died when he was born and everyone's alive and I'll shut up about the AU now or else I'll never stop.)
Here's hoping I'm wrong about Percy. D: If not for us, then for Oliver.
I'm not sure Draco will ever live down Moaning myrtle. Half the fandom now finds him poor and misunderstood and really a Good Boy on the inside, and the rest of us just find him ridiculous. your comment about him being emo made me laugh. ^_^
I adore Fleur, but I'm too much of a Hermione to give her best female award. And ending!Bill is Le ugly! scene with Fleur and Molly? Win! Except for the whole, um, Tonks thing.
Ha, yeah, I write a little bit. Not in a couple months and none of it
Twin uber angst= bad. That...that would probably be hotline worthy. XD x_x
Hm...sounds like a good idea. *implements and prays for Harry*
Yeeeaaaah, okay, I think you're right and the hotlines are aimed at mid-teens and anyone else who's in a fragile state because their favorite character has just been killed off. I have no idea where they'll be advertised, though - nor how they'll be advertised without being hilariously bad. The entire concept does boggle my mind a bit, though! I would so prefer reading your AU, for example. :D
It's all about cranking out the fic before this summer before one's ships have a chance to be sunk, clearly. R/S is pretty much the only ship that doesn't have to worry about DH.
Ah, poor Draco. The Moaning Myrtle thing was the most adorable thing ever! I wasn't even the slightest bit sympathetic to the character before that, but suddenly I was all like "OK, kleenex please."
Word to "Win! Except for the whole, um, Tonks thing." Hahahah. So true. Go Fleur, go... even if she is not Hermione!
Oooh, I look forward to reading, because R/S is obviously brilliant, and Alice/Frank is such a sweet, tragic pairing. Aww.
*nearly dies* Priceless! I pity the Arthur and Molly portraits. I doubt they wanted their grand-kids to see the Padfoot and Moony show...I really wanted to see Harry's reaction to his god-father's sexual orientation...But i don't think Dean knew that Sirius and Remus were gay-when he painted their portraits. James and Lily-on the other hand-it would explain why they were so amused...I'm with the kids-too funny! Cooties-indeed! *LOL*