Bathos

Open letter: baby, please take me back

2007-12-15T00:45:47Z

Dear fandom,

It's been a long time, and I know I did you wrong. It's totally reprehensible to drop out of fic exchanges at the last minute, especially when one left obscure-ass prompts that are unlikely to be of interest to anyone else. It's almost as reprehensible as not responding to comments that you've been faithfully leaving on my fic all this time!

What can I say, baby: I'm really sorry. It was me, not you. I had to deal with getting my shit together in real life, such as figuring out what I want to do with my life and securing employment and travelling to see family and figuring out how to go about starting my own family.

And, I have to be honest with you: I've been seeing other hobbies since we last got together. I have developed quite a torrid little fling with running... and training for a half-marathon is kind of a commitment that I've made to my other hobby, and that comes first right now.

But still, sweetiecakes, I miss you, and so, fandom, I'm begging you: please take me back! I got a steady job, so your mother doesn't have to nag about how I'm no good for you. I'm happy with my life, so I promise you won't have to deal with my emo wangsting anymore. And I'm even 70 lbs lighter than when we last saw each other, so now you don't have to lie to me anymore about whether or not that font color makes my butt look big.

It's been a long time, I know - I missed your latest canon release and all kinds of LJ wank. And I'm still not sure I'm ready to make any full-on commitments to you. For example, I don't think I'm right for fic exchanges, and I won't toy with that kind of promise anymore.

But, still, in spite of it all, I think it's time we started seeing each other again!

Love and contrition,
Eloise

First I thought, it must have been goth night, or something.

2007-06-14T06:46:51Z

OMG, does anyone know how hard it is to have a nice, normal, gay scooter club meeting and ride around the lake on your adorable gay scooters, when suddenly legions of the undead start pursuing you and you don't even have windows or doors to lock?

I am going to have the hardest time getting the gristle out of my tire grooves in time for Pride! But I stopped by at the video store and rented an Almodovar and a Jackie Chan, yay, so we'll be entertained, even if the rental fees might add up by the time this whole zombie apocalypse thing blows over.

And isn't it lucky I spent last weekend canning so we totally have a lot of delicious fruit preserves to avoid scurvy when we run out of refrigerated fruit and vegetables, in like a week? I am totally going to start a new comm, nozombiehomemkr, since slashyhomemaker hasn't updated today and I fear there may be none left. Defeating the assault of evil, brain-sucking minions of evil, one helpful household hint at a time!

I totally refuse to become a zombie! I am so a vegetarian. No, cheating with sushi doesn't mean I'm willing to cheat with human brains. Although, I suppose Martha might have some tips to make the ritualistic sucking out of brains a more dignified and special occasion... then I suppose I might reconsider.

I'm only doing this because it's late enough that everyone's probably seen the explanation before, because I'd hate to spread apocalypse panic, but in case you haven't, clicky the link

Percy in grammar crisis!

2007-06-13T09:12:15Z

My mental picture of Percy has just been irrevocably shattered.

I am lying here on my stomach in our lovely if slightly over-the-top canopy bed, with the laptop in front of me, pretending to be working on editing my HD_hols fic so that it includes more, you know, H/D, but really reading my flist. imogenelovelace is using the small of my back as a pillow while rereading GoF, but also contemplating why the tummy bits of our Persian cat get furry faster than the rest of her when really, they're the bits that should stay hairless longer in order to make the traumatic shaving process less frequent. (Perhaps it's because she exposes The Tummy Which Shall Never Be Brushed Upon Pain of Death And Not Her Own to the world so much: right now she's in her usual upside-down doughnut configuration... where "she" is the cat, not the wife.) It's all very cozy and exactly what 2 am should look like.

But then, my dear resident Grammar Goddess shatters the domestic idyll with the following bombshell:

"Well, I certainly don't," said Percy, sanctimoniously. "I shudder to think what the state of my in-tray would be if I was away from work for five days."

ACK IMPROPER LACK OF SUBJUNCTIVE OH PERCY MY BOY WHAT HAS SHE DONE TO YOU?!?! (... where "she" is J.K.R.)

Please someone tell me that this is J.K.R. and not Percy. I am dying. And if I am dying, when I am capable of such horrible sins against grammar as the above sentence and the second paragraph, it is dire indeed.

Dear new friends: I am going to do a proper introduction post eventually. In the meantime, I promise I am not always this spastic, honestly.

ETA: This is the worse mood theme ever, if that's the yellow smiley face's idea of shocked. My own face is more like O.o with flaily hands for emphasis.

Really cute sometimes-slashy HP parenting quiz.

2007-05-23T01:20:31Z

Which Harry Potter Characters Are You The Child Of?

You are a Granger-Weasley
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Seriously, this cracks me up. I think it's great that this quiz just happens to include slashy couples like it's totally no big deal. Aww.

ETA: Actually, what really cracks me up is the prospect of Draco and Tom Riddle having a nice, cozy, domestic family together. Heee.

eloiselovelace @ 2007-04-21T19:27:00

2007-04-22T03:18:06Z

My thesis is finally submitted! At 130 pages, it's the longest thing I've written... although, that's depressing and I hope to remedy it soon by writing something even longer that I hate considerably less!

People have been asking me what it is that I'm going to do to celebrate, and my answer has been "Sleeping!" which is true, because I haven't had more than a nap for literally weeks and I am so, so tired. The follow up question is, "So what else are you going to do to celebrate?" which is kind of awkward because while "Catch up with friends whom I have neglected!" and "Clean my house!" and "Go for runs!" and "Celebrate my wedding anniversary and Valentine's day several months late!" and "Read some actual books!" and "Paint my toenails!" are all on the list of things I am looking forward to, the real answer is, "Write some Harry Potter porn! And catch up on reading everyone else's Harry Potter porn!" and I can't really say that to my coworkers. :P

But, after having turned in the thesis and had some happy hour sushi, I crawled home and into bed at approximately 7 pm, and slept until 9:30 am, thereby tripling the amount of sleep I had cumulatively gotten in the entire previous week. I woke up long enough for breakfast of an Easter egg and toast, called my family to let them know that mission had been accomplished, then I faffed around a bit with the computer, watched an episode of "Are You Being Served?" and promptly fell asleep for another couple of hours. OMG, yay.

But once I am caught up on sleeping (soon, I'm thinking, because this is getting ridiculous! I have at least gotten out of my pyjamas in preparation for not-sleeping), there is totally going to be fic!

Also: did I miss anything awesome during my hiatus? Please rec me fic I might have missed, dear flist!

OMG, finally... Squid!pron that isn't bestiality!

2007-04-16T17:55:51Z

Tangled Tentacles by imogenelovelace. HP/Pirates of the Caribbean crossover. Romantic, fluffy and very PG - because cephalopods get lonely too. Giant Squid/Kraken, naturally.

I have the best wife ever. I don't think there's anything better to counteract the Master's induced emo! <3

Percy/Oliver recs, Percy community pimping

2007-04-13T02:01:00Z

OMG, floweringjudas managed to combine two of my favorite fanfic elements. The result is not at all like combining chocolate and cheese, but rather, awesome in a totally beyond-additive way. Said elements are Percy/Oliver (yeah, surprising, I know, but wait for it!) and femmeslash. Yes. Percy/Oliver femmeslash. You all need to read A Learning Opportunity/The One Where Percy and Oliver Are Girls, seriously... even if you thought you didn't like Percy/Oliver, or if you thought you didn't like femmeslash, or if you don't like either (which does rather beg the question of why you're in my journal, but still, you will love this story anyway). Oh my god. Even as girls, Percy and Oliver are wonderfully in character, especially Oliver's POV makes me giddy with its awesomeness. It's hot and well-written, and also as hilarious as something with the premise should be, and now all I want to do is draw fanart of girl!Percy and girl!Oliver and not finish grading papers.

Plus, it's generally been a great time to be a Percy fan (and a crummy time to be finishing up grad school):

There's a new community, frecksandspecs, which is a Percy-centric fic-and-art community which I am thrilled to have been invited to.
Also open are signups for the percy_ficathon third wave, and since the deadline isn't until August, you have no reason not to sign up. Just imagine, you could be asked to write my cracktastic prompt requesting Percy to be set in a Lifetime Original Movie...or the several dozen much more inspired prompts which almost make me want to create sockpuppets to enter multiple times. I can hardly contain my excitement! Also, it looks like Percy/Oliver is showing up a lot in requests, which should either make you want to sign up to add some diversity or should make you want to sign up to get some of these fabulous prompts.

Plus, hp_springsmut has been a veritable font of Percy/Oliver! All of it worth checking out, but, specifically I wanted to point out WAGs to Riches, by nqdonne which really needs more attention than it's gotten. Nonmagical AU, NC-17. Just go read it - it's profoundly funny and the smut is sexy, with a really fabulously oblivious Percy, a wonderful supporting cast of Charlie, and a sweet, crushing Oliver that's totally written just the way the ship makes most sense to me. Also features amazingly random post-shag dialog, very realistic!

OK, back to work now. But you should go read the above stories, which is really what I'd like to do!

Another Percy/Oliver rec

2007-03-19T18:52:41Z

So, I am often of the school of thought that some of the sexiest things to read about are often not actual sex, and I have a rec that brilliantly proves this point:

Precision Speaking by crawfords_lover, very soft R.

Honestly, in a very short space blindmouse has perfectly distilled down the entire experience of suffering from a tormented hopeless crush, including that glorious moment when you realize it might not be hopeless after all. It's sweet without being saccharine, adorable without being fluffy, and poetic without being purple. Besides the brilliant writing, I especially adore her characterizations of Oliver (the narrator) and Percy (the very carefully observed), and wonder how long it will take them to produce an actual conversation.

I defy anyone to read this and not flail with joy, and since it's only 1500 words, you have no excuse for not brightening your day considerably. Highly recommended ... even for those on the flist who think I'm a bit insane with my fondness for the pairing!

England Dan and John Ford Coley - I'd Really Love To See You Tonight

2007-03-06T23:40:01Z

I think what Marauder fans forget all-too-often is that the 70s were a period of intensely awesome hair... and also, glam wasn't the only music out there. Not even England, for all that it seems alluring and cultured, escaped the musical sophistication of American 70s pop.

For the record, this is absolutely the sort of facial hair that I envision both Remus and Sirius trying for - though I think that Remus was the first Marauder to fully attain the pornstache, making him the object of envy and lust! Also, that haircut? Is clearly exactly what JKR meant when she talked about Sirius's hair falling elegantly into his eyes!

My apologies for the scary insight into my vivid imagination and horrible musical tastes. My fondness for this song can be entirely blamed on Vivian Darkbloom's genius White Trash series (Xena/Gabrielle, ueber, and strongly recommended to anyone who has even the slightest interest in the pairing).

ETA: The actual quote describing Sirius's hair is "his dark hair fell into his eyes with a sort of casual elegance". Uh-huh! Exactly like the lead singer in this video!

Who's your Snape, hmm?

2007-02-23T07:26:27Z

So, I finally figured out where my inexplicable fondness for Snape comes from. One of my favorite professors practically was Snape, at least in an nonmagical AU where he became a Historian of Science.

From the ever-entertaining ratemyprofessors.com, two independent evaluations (not by me!):

great lecturer; occasionally shows a sadistic side to make Severus Snape proud
Babylonian math + scribes getting caned + Snape + fluffy black dog + brilliant lectures. Sleekest essay comments I've ever gotten. Doesn't spare the vitriol. Not for the faint of heart. Quote: "Focus now. This isn't a theology class. You can't believe in gravity just because someone told you to."

I hope that I someday get such awesome evaluations from my students. I hope that someday I will be that awesome, period.

I couldn't agree more with the comments. He even has the nose, although his hair is greying and more frizzy than greasy most days. (That picture of him with his fluffy black dog might bring a Snack shipper into paroxysms of glee, I swear.) I just loved his class, and I kept all of my notes, which faithfully recorded his snarky witticisms and occasional tirades at hapless students who failed to meet standards.

This leads me to believe that if I were a Hogwarts Mary-Sue, I'd totally be an enormous Snape fangirl (platonically, though!) who hangs onto his every lecture word and finds all of his bitterness marvelously witty. (I totally rocked organic chemistry, so I naturally my Mary-Sue would be great at potions.)

So: do you have any people in your lives who eerily remind you of HP characters? What would your Hogwarts Mary-Sue or Gary-Stu be like?

ETA: For the record, there are four other professors who have been compared to Snape on ratemyprofessors.com, but only once apiece, and they seem to refer more to looks than to the entire package of vitriol and nose. Apparently not many schools are so lucky as to have a Snape on their faculty! Snape himself also has a page, but it's surprisingly unfunny.

drabble-o-rama: now open for requests

2007-02-20T10:25:58Z

Two very fabulous short ficlets have recently been written for me:

visoka wrote me happy, non-angsty Remus/Sirius at my request: Let Me Count the Days, PG. This ficlet is so lovely without being overly sentimental, and I defy anyone to be charmed! (And, if the fluffyness proves too much for you, read History for which is is a prequel.)
cerridwen666 wrote me Percy/Oliver: Dropping In, G. I particularly like the dynamic here: the dialog paints such a vivid picture of their relationship.

This delighted me so much that I thought I might try sharing the love... namely, I'll give this writing drabbles business a chance even though I emphatically suck at drabbling as at brevity of any kind.

So, request a pairing and something like a prompt, and I'll do my best to write you something!

Percy/Oliver rec from hpvalensmut

2007-02-18T05:11:15Z

Some fantastically brilliant anonymous writer wrote Secure In His Disbelief for rillalicious as a part of hpvalensmut, but really, it's a gift for everyone and could easily have been written for me given how consistently it smashes every single one of my buttons.

I'm still incoherent over how incredibly awesome this story is, but it's not just my shippiness that makes me insist that you all go read it right now, because this is fanfiction at its best: fitting into the crevices of Canon, funny and angsty, hot and awkward, and most of all real. This story brilliantly embodies everything that I am always moaning I want to read more of: canon-compliance and in-character-ness and realistic sex and tons of small details that add up to really craft a complete universe. I would be deliriously happy to rec this to you even disregarding the pairing, which, in case you missed it, is PERCY/OLIVER and you all know how ecstatic that makes me! :D (Ecstatic enough to use the most obnoxious html tag ever invented in a deadly one-two combination with Capslock of Joy, apparently. So sorry, but it's the only thing that gets close to capturing my utter delight right now.)

There are a couple of very minor grammar issues, in the form of a truncated sentence, but you would be very remiss indeed to let that stop you from reading one of the best Percy/Oliver stories I have read in a very long time, and indeed, one of the best fanfics period. The story unfolds inexorably over many years and really reminds me quite a lot of Brokeback Mountain, only starring a deliciously repressed Weasley, an adorably determined Oliver, and less depression overall.

Go forth and read it, secure in the knowledge that you are putting your long weekend to the best possible use!!

ETA: The mystery author was revealed to be el_em_en_oh_pee who very cleverly poses as a beta reader in the comments to this post, sneaky thing that she is!

A foreign language challenge!

2007-02-06T06:10:55Z

A personal New Year's Resolution-type Challenge that I invite anyone else on my flist to take up as well.

I've been translating a wonderfully smutty Percy/Oliver story from German to English for the lovely Peilless from the Percy/Oliver Writer's Support Network on Yahoo (yes, such a thing exists, and yes, I'm a mod). Then, emiime ranting about pretentious use of British slang by Americans spawned an interesting discussion on language. Tangentially, I realized that the foreign-language-learning abilities of fanfic are sadly underutilized most of the time, at least by me. Plus, if you're writing it in a foreign language, you can be unapologetically fluffy and shamelessly self-indulgent, because hey, at least your story is justified by language-learning aspects alone.

So, I thought - perhaps it's time to start an initiative to read/write fanfic in a foreign language. To that end, I present: The Cunning Linguist Foreign Language Slash Challenge.

My personal challenges (and no, I won't count English for myself, because I'm totally fluent):

Write a short story in Spanish, no matter how fluffy or forced my attempts at reviewing vocabulary might be -- Las Aventuras Cotidianas de Percy y Oliver, anyone? I'm thinking the first installment might be "una historia en que van de compras" because I've totally forgotten all of that useful vocabulary around "los comestibles".
I am also promising to make use of Adela711's awesome original slash recslist to read more German, to keep that part of my brain from atrophying. I will also attempt to find some good Spanish fic out there, and then I will read it!

Anyone want to join me in linguistic self-improvement by reading or writing fic outside of their native language? I'd count anything from making an effort to Britpick when you normally don't, to some kind of "See Dick. See Willie watch Dick. Dick asks Willie to dance! See Willie the dance of secret passion!" exercise in the foreign language you haven't used since high school. Let me know and I'll list you here!

People who are made of awesome and have risen to the challenge:

The amazing visoka wrote Aimer et Adorer (aka The French Thing) - a Pansy/Ginny drabblet in French, with English translation thoughtfully provided... all without a dictionary!!
Another gifted Francophone, emei wrote Quand la lune se lève, a really lovely, atmospheric and angsty drabble on Padma's response to Parvati/Lavender. In an stupendous feat of thinking in three languages at once, Emei provided a translation to the English as well!
Singlehandedly increasing the amount of Arabic HP fic on the internet by 50%, kheha wrote An Untitled Amos Diggory/Mundungus Fletcher Ficlet, which I would rate PG-13 for spicy and hilarious pick-up lines. Please read the English translation even if you don't read Arabic, because it's brilliant and funny and wonderful in a way that would impress me without my having known that it was written in a foreign language!
The fabulously trilingual penhaligonblue wrote the absolutely adorable Remus/Sirius drabblet Bise/Basium/Kiss, thereby demonstrating that French/Latin/English is an OT3. She points out that "Remus's and Sirius's names look so at home when couched in Latin," and I couldn't agree more: honestly, slash in Latin is capable of single-handedly justifying the existence of the internet for me.
I rather feebly attempted to write La Sección Restricta, a Percy/Oliver drabble in Spanish (English translation follows). And, because I fail at angst even more than at remembering how to conjugate verbs in Spanish, it has a happy ending sequel: Las Duchas de Quidditch.

Non-English HP fic-finding resources:

fanfiction.net once again proves itself a bastion of quantity, if not necessarily quality, by allowing you to get HP fic in more languages than I can easily list here. (ETA: If I could find three Spanish Percy/Oliver slashfics (!), none of which were written by me, ff.net surely has the pairing and language of your choice as well!)
OWL features foreign language fic in their parseltongue section.
The HP books are themselves available in Latin and Ancient Greek as well as Welsh, so honestly, ya'll can find at least official Canon, no matter how obscure your foreign language of choice! (Too bad my Latin is too shoddy to read even a children's book, but I'm totally going to get the Ancient Greek one for my mom!)
something else you know about that you'll tell me about in the comments!

And, in general, I wanted to give major props to the HP fen who aren't native speakers, but who write in English anyway. You have my undying admiration, because while my Percy and Oliver will still be arguing over whether to buy the the oranges because they're on sale or the strawberries because they taste better with chocolate body paint, you are crafting amazingly complex, beautiful stories in a language not your own!

A post that has nothing at all to do with Percy, OMG!

2007-02-04T04:41:30Z

Right, so I know there are several Moaning Myrtle fans on the old f-list, so a quick pimping of a lovely drabble that liseuse wrote in response to my slightly cracky prompt of Harry/Draco, Moaning Myrtle (possibly /Moaning Myrtle). It's definitely comma, not slash, but it's an absolutely adorable glimpse into a post-war Potter/Malfoy household.

Room with a View by Liseuse, Harry/Draco, unrated but I'd say PG

I keep saying that I want to write Harry/Draco/Myrtle fic set in HbP, and then failing at following through because I am just abysmal at smut. Someday! Or maybe I can convince imogenelovelace...

ETA: And, also, the best music video of all time (very much NWS):

Enjoy, and now, back to the grading for me!

Oooooh, het ... a very special guest appearance!

2007-02-03T07:20:19Z

visoka was an absolute dear and wrote me a drabble, and I wanted to post a link to it here because it's beyond lovely and was absolutely a bright spot in my somewhat emotastic week.

Gilt by Visoka - Percy/Fleur, G.

It's gorgeous and beyond amazing descriptions, it pulls off Percy pining in such a stark and angry way that I truly find it believable -- which those of you who have heard me snarking about Percy/Oliver badfic know is quite an enormous feat, really, because pining!Percy is so easy to do incredibly badly. The fic is really spectacularly beautiful, and if that weren't enough, it comes with an equally stunning Bach accompaniment. I lovelovelove it when fic comes with additional media, and I love Bach and the whole thing manages to push (even keysmash!) loads of my buttons and is just generally made of awesome! And I am also really intrigued by the pairing, especially in an unrequited way ~~so that Percy is maximally alone when Oliver comes into his life so that teh hurt/comfort can commence full-stream ahead~~.

And in general, hurray for new additions to the flist! And also, hurray for it being Friday, at long last. At the end of the week after sushi and a chance to read some brilliant fic, and a chance to take full advantage of the sheer sexy power of the command line in OSX... and the world is a much brighter place!

Verisimilitude - a Percy/Oliver short story

2007-02-03T04:35:21Z

Title: Verisimilitude
Characters: Percy/Oliver, Tonks.
Rating: a rather soft R (ratings inflation to boost my ego!)
Length: 1350 words.
Warnings: I've taken some liberty with characterizations here, but not at all in the way that it initially seems. Also, slight dub-con.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K.R. and are being used without permission or intent to profit here. After I wrote this, it occurred to me that scenarios are probably somewhat inspired by the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Oh, and The Wealth of Nations is by Adam Smith, and I totally stole his best metaphor for the purposes of twisting into a tawdry innuendo. (I win!)
Author's note: Do not let Percy make you think that The Wealth of Nations is fun bedtime reading. It is in fact 1000+ pages of undiluted masochism: the pithy insights sandwiched in the middle of excruciatingly detailed market descriptions are ever-so-not-worth-it. (Please do not ask me how I know.)

1. Percy

Percy squinted a bit in the dim candlelight, but nevertheless gamely turned to another chapter, vowing to get a prescription update on his already-thick horn-rimmed glasses.

He thought he heard a noise above the rustle of the page, but knew he had to be imagining it: surely, everyone else had to be asleep, since they didn't have The Wealth of Nations to keep them up late into the night.

He was just engrossed in a very exciting chapter on the price fluctuations of wool which he felt could be very directly applied to the price fluctuations of floo powder, when he heard an unmistakable knock on the door.

He tucked his robe about him more securely, and cautiously ventured out to investigate, expecting to find the twins lurking in the hallway, doubtlessly up to no good. However, though a crack in the door, he instead saw Oliver. The elder Woods had gone away on a cruise to celebrate their anniversary, and Oliver didn't particularly relish spending his vacation golfing and playing Bingo, and so had gladly accepted Percy's invitation to spend the holiday at the Burrow instead.

Percy opened the door fully, all annoyance at having been interrupted gone. He smiled at the way that Oliver's hair was even more rumpled than usual, and greeted his guest with a "Good evening, or maybe it should be good morning?"

Oliver returned the smile, but quite in contrast to the usual warmth, by some trick of the light it looked almost predatory. "Aren't you going to invite me to come... in, that is?"

Even with the knowledge that he was clearly reading far too much into a perfectly innocent comment, Percy was flustered, and knocked his elbow into the door-jamb as he stepped aside. "Oh, of course!"

Percy expected Oliver to take the armchair he'd been sitting in, as had been customary in their late-night chats, but Oliver flung himself on Percy's bed, the verysame bed that Percy had fantasized about Oliver in more times than he cared to admit.

Percy felt his cheeks heating up further, and decorously took the chair, moving the weighty tome to the table. "I was just reading this book, fascinating theory, really," he said. "About the invisible hand of capitalism guiding our markets."

Oliver looked at him intently. "We all need a hand to guide us," he said. "Only I often find myself requiring a more firm, tangible touch." He toyed absently with the hem of his shirt, exposing a trail of hair ghosting down his stomach.

"Beg pardon?" said Percy, quite distracted.

Oliver continued to absently trace patterns on his abdomen. "And I like to watch, so invisibility seems like it would ruin most of the fun."

Percy nearly dropped over a thousand pages of hardbound economic treatise on his own foot.

"It's basic supply and demand," Oliver said, propped on one elbow. "I suppose you'll have a first-hand appreciation of the fact that a boy has certain needs."

Percy did drop the book then, but fortuitously missed shattering his ankle. "First-hand?" he repeated, dumbly.

"And if you don't, maybe you should, because some things are better learned in practice. Possibly group-work."

Percy squeaked, "I had no idea you were such an expert!" and bent down to pick up the book. Oliver grabbed his extended hand, and pulled him onto the bed. Given that he collapsed sort of on Oliver, it was all Percy could do to stammer an apology as he tried to sit up. "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm so clumsy, I didn't mean to-"

Oliver pulled Percy back into position squashed up against him in far too many places, and Percy wondered whether he was quite possibly dreaming. "Oliver!" he finally exclaimed, when Oliver started deliberately undoing the tie at the waist of Percy's robe. "You know I have always held you in very high esteem! I wouldn't want to cheapen the regard I tend for you by rushing..."

"Shut it," said Oliver, somewhat impatiently. "I'll still respect you in the morning."

"But-" Percy added even as he was mentally reprimanding himself to stop gabbling and take Oliver up on the offer before it was snatched back.

"Don't make me gag you," threatened Oliver, waving the belt. "I just know there have got to be better uses for that mouth of yours."

And there was really nothing else Percy could say when Oliver pushed him back against the bed and made his point rather persuasively.

***

2. Oliver

Oliver was in the middle of a thoroughly enjoyable dream about Quidditch, or a sport that seemed a lot like Quidditch, except that everyone wore frilly hostess aprons (and nothing else) and the quaffle was replaced by a molded gelatin dessert careening through the air, when he was suddenly awoken by another person creeping into his room... or rather, the Weasley's guest room, he registered quickly.

He was almost sure that his keen instincts were once again saving him from being at the mercy of Fred and George, and he was groping sleepily about for his wand on the bedside table, when he realized that the person purposefully approaching his bed was neither Fred nor George, but from the glint of light catching eyeglasses, could only be Percy.

"Percy!" exclaimed Oliver. "What is it?"

"I couldn't sleep," Percy said. "It's just too... hard."

"Oh," said Oliver, happily patting the bed next to him. "Reading too much economics theory late at night again? Budge up, then, and I'll sing you the Puddlemere anthem. It'll be just like back at Hogwarts."

Percy crawled onto Oliver's bed, and just as Oliver had started singing the first stanza of "Beat back the bludgers, boys, and chuck the quaffle here," Percy shoved a hand over Oliver's mouth and said, "I have a better idea."

Oliver looked momentarily confused, then finally exclaimed, "Oh! I know! Hot milk with honey, of course!"

"No," said Percy, firmly and a trifle irritably. "I rather thought you could beat something else."

Oliver gasped, "What?"

"You know, chuck that quaffle here," Percy practically growled, and then straddled Oliver and made the lewdest grinding motion with his hips.

"Oh, Percy!" exclaimed Oliver, quite shocked. "I must be misunderstanding you!" But indeed, the way that Percy was pressing against him there did seem rather unambiguous. "I mean, you must have suspected by now that I harbor certain feelings, and surely someone as clever as you would have noticed that I have done for a very long time now, but I wouldn't want to presume anything!"

With shocking audacity, Percy grabbed Oliver's hand, shoved it down the front of his pyjamas and said, "Does it feel like you're presuming too much?"

In fact, it rather felt like Percy was sporting an impressive hard-on. Oliver made a muffled sound and managed, "But, oh, Percy, do you think we're ready for this step?" although his tone suggested a lack of conviction, as did the way he was practically melting into Percy.

Percy snorted indignantly and added, "No, it's about bloody time!" and before Oliver could do more than be thrilled at the fact that the heat of Percy's feelings were driving him to cursing, Percy had pushed Oliver back against the mattress and was biting his neck.

***

3. Tonks

Over breakfast the next morning, Percy nearly knocked over the milk in his haste to pass the sugar, and Oliver practically swooned when their hands accidentally met.

Tonks enthusiastically stabbed at the lumps in her porridge and sighed. While she'd idly hoped that getting these two to finally shag would do anything to reduce the amount of longing glances and awkward blushing, she'd clearly been sadly mistaken.

If anything, the simpering and general level of insipidness were worse than ever this morning. Rolling her eyes and catching the amused look of Charlie across the table, though, she cheered up at the thought that well, perhaps Percy and Oliver deserved each other...and in the meantime, Charlie had just broken up with his Romanian girlfriend and was looking quite in need of consolation.

Author's note: Not sure if this calls for more explicit warnings regarding Tonks' meddling? Let me know before I crosspost!

I love having a laptop, and I love unsecured wifi even more. I'm posting this while waiting at the bar for seats at my sushi restaurant to open up. Multitasking, fic-writing-in-public and immediate spousal beta gratification for the win!

ETA: what is it with even the most euphemistic of descriptions leading to the actual location being described properly by Google Maps? Seriously, do other cities not have conveyor-belt sushi? (If so, my condolences, because few things are quite as much fun as watching an ever-changing parade of sushi trundle past you on conveyor belts, model trains or boats.)

It's the little ways that fandom touches your life...

2007-02-03T03:29:26Z

We had extensive bathtub drainage issues, and the general building fix-it-guy came by, to no avail. Then, last week and early this week, the offically designated plumber came to fix the drain, as overseen by our landlady (our very, very Christian landlady).

What didn't occur to me is that our bathroom, in spite of an innocuous pink decorating scheme and a huge amount of bath and hair products jammed onto every free surface (the floor is the approximate size of a large commemorative-edition postage stamp), is also eligible for the title of the most depraved bathroom ever... replete with fandom elements, which is why it's going in this journal.

Exhibit A:
Subscription to Cosmopolitan (okay, mixed in with academic magazines), with several trashy romance novels in a basket. The latter category includes my latest read, "Nerds Like It Hot", which was wedged open to that scene where the cross-dressing villain(ess) seduces the nerd cruise director by shoving a banana from the fruit hospitality basket up his bum. Needless to say, the villainess was really my personal heroine. Buttsex in a romance novel, FTW! (I am totally going to read others in the series, such as "Gone with the Nerd", "Talk Nerdy To Me" and "Nerd in Shining Armor", not to mention "Nerd Gone Wild"... not kidding about those titles, either!)

Exhibit B:
Several framed Art Frahm pinups. Art Frahm is a pinup artist whose entire career consisted of pictures of women whose underwear fell down in the middle of shopping errands. It's hilarious, truly - worth checking out the link, and also the best bathroom theme art ever... except for maybe the painting my icon is based on, but that's in the bedroom.

Exhibit C:
Brokeback Mountain Wall Calendar. At least the BBM Calendar is the "serious" calendar (whereas the Pirates one in the office is the one that's taking the brunt of our pastede-on bad captions, floating heads and inappropriate innuendo-laden dialoge, like the Legolas one did last year.)

Having realized that our bathroom is rather on the fast train to TMIville, I can't help but wonder what the plumber thought about us, based on having seen our bathroom. (I refuse to think about what the landlady thought, because it's just too embarrassing.)

And I can honestly say that I didn't think about any of this until just now when Imogene mentioned it and I (literally) fell on the floor with shock and laughter. You mean, other people's bathrooms don't look like this?

So, question: anyone else have embarrassing fandom outing stories?

Amazon.co.uk pre-ordering: WTF is the "Adult Edition"?!

2007-02-01T19:57:43Z

In trying to decide whether I wanted to pre-order the British version of the HP books, and get the American version by staying up till midnight with adorable local school children, I went to amazon.co.uk, which has a splashy link on their main page to preordering the British version.

Very similar to the whole American Amazon.com phenomenon... except that the title says [Children's Edition] and I get the following option:

"Buy this book with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Book 7) [Adult Edition] by J. K. Rowling today!"

So I understand that to mean that there's a children's edition, with, say, less of Harry dying ... and less hotgaysex?

OMG. So far I only knew about the different British and American versions. I demand the [Gay Slashy Edition], if that's not what is meant by "adult".

Seriously, wtf?

ETA: Apparently there was also a [Children's Edition] and an [Adult Edition] for HbP. Oh, okay. Anyone know how they're different?

ETA 2: Apparently, by adult they mean "more boring coverart" and not "Remus and Sirius getting an extended sex scene". Boo.

And now for something completely different (read: NOT Daniel Radcliffe naked with a horse)

2007-01-30T08:01:10Z

Ta dah! It's Chris Rankin! (Yes, THAT Chris Rankin. As in, Chris "Percy Weasley" Rankin!) In fishnets, a negligee, panties and a bra! Doing Rocky Horror!!

Although his website reports that he was only answering to "Mandy". (Seriously! I am not even capable of making this up!!)

Why this is so totally way hotter news than Daniel Radcliffe with a horse:

1.) Because Daniel Radcliffe posed with, you know, a horse... but Chris Rankin posed with Magenta!!! (OMG, hot!)
1b.) Because consensus has it that lesbianism is way hotter than bestiality. (Really. Just ask anyone.)
2.) Because he's actually legal in all municipalities.
2b.) And so is his choice of companion!
3.) Fishnets. (Sometimes some clothing is way sexier than no clothing.)
4.) Garter belt vs. treasure trail? No contest.
5.) Choice of play? Oh, please. Rocky Horror >> Equus. By several orders of magnitude. Yes, I know Equus is described as "one of the most highly regarded plays of the past 30 years", but Rocky Horror? FTW! Equus may be "the story of a psychiatrist who attempts to treat a young man who has a pathological fascination with horses" (quotes from Wikipedia) but Rocky Horror is the story of a mad scientist who attemps to seduce a young couple away from their pathological fascination with normality! And what's more fun, treating perversion or nurturing it, eh?
6.) It takes serious skills to wear slip-on mules with 4" heels, much less do a can-can type kick and straddle someone wearing the same. (Speaking as someone with a large collection of drag queen shoes courtesy of enormously big feet, trust me, I know.)

OK, so this is really all a great big silly play on all the Equus posts that have been everywhere on my flist. I am so totally not raining on anyone's parade... just adding to the parade! I am really truly happy that all you pervy girls who go in for that sort of thing are enjoying the Dan Radcliffe nakedness. I just wanted to even the scales a bit with something a bit more femme. (But not, you know, too much!) And honestly, who doesn't appreciate Weasleys in drag, hmmm?

Good night and happy eye-candy to all! :D

(And this is actually quite ancient news. But newish to me, and thus, I suspect possibly also to some of you!)

ETA: How fitting is it that "Hell, Handbasket" totally links to my actual place of residence within the first 6 matches on Google Maps?

Yet more gay fandom math humor (this time, not by me)

2007-01-29T20:22:37Z

My favorite webcomic today nearly made me inhale my coffee with it's sheer brilliance:

http://syndicated.livejournal.com/xkcd_rss/49065.html

That is seriously the funniest thing I have ever seen, ever! Yay!!!

Your personal canon meme (compulsive navel-lint-picking alert!)

2007-01-29T03:58:00Z

I wrote out this entire meme, then accidentally deleted it. Woe. A more concise rewrite follows.

1. Take your OTP.

My OTbackgroundP is clearly Ron/Hermione. I mean, it contains both of the sidekicks rolled up into one convenient couple - how could you not love including it in fic to bounce increasingly cracky scenarios off? My Hermione is inevitably off at the Ministry doing political things with really unfortunate acronyms, and my Ron is possibly doing some kind of twenties-slacker thing and gearing up to be an excellent househusband.

But apart from that, I was really quite convinced that I didn't have an OTP. I write a lot of pairings, but I'm happy to see any of the participants in other pairings as well. I love Remus/Sirius, for example, but I'd also happily go in for Remus/Tonks, so long as it's not handled ineptly (see HbP, ahem). I really enjoy pairing Harry with Draco, and Ginny with Pansy, but really, any other pairings are fine with me, too, just so long as it avoids Harry/Ginny which I hate with a passion that I don't completely understand. (Why, oh, why couldn't Luna have been Harry's canon girlfriend?) Anyway, all of the pairings I've written, I am not really particularly attached to any one of them as being "the one true way"... with one exception.

Yep, Percy/Oliver.

No matter what's going on in a fic, I tend to assume that Percy and Oliver are holed up in a dodgy flat in London, shagging, on the interrim... and I'll only make exception and read either character slashed outside of the pairing for really terrific writing (like the absolutely amazing Past Curfew Series which pairs Oliver with Bill). In short, OTP.

This is really a bit weird because I purport to love fanfic that picks up from the books, and Percy/Oliver has a grand total sum of zero canon support. The only thing that connects the two characters is that they were in the same year and house. If anything, that there's never any additional interaction between them in spite of their being thrown together so much, is the very opposite of support for the ship. Plus, Percy has a canon girlfriend that he's meant to be very happy with!

Larger general fanon also doesn't entirely explain my affection for the pairing. As much as I agree that the actors are cute and that it's totally fabulous that they support the slash (see Chris Rankin's interviews here and here), the Percy and Oliver in my head bear little resemblance to their movie counterparts. So, as great as it is that there's a whole lot of Percy/Oliver out there, much of it is very heavily based in movieverse and features recurring fanon elements that I don't really include in my own personal fanon... so that's not really explanation for why I'm so obsessed with this particular pairing. (Although, I admit I'll read pretty much everything!)

That leaves my personal fanon!canon, which I will endeavor to explain.

2. List your personal canon for those characters. So the stuff that has nothing whatsoever to do with the books, but in your head is irrefutably what would have happened.

0. Oliver is burly. Percy is taller and a bit gangly. I know this is Canon, but these are rather neglected in Fanon, so I just thought I'd mention it. Relatedly, Percy wears horn-rimmed glasses (which he actually needs to see with, by the way, because they aren't some kind of frivolous fashion accessory) but does not have a faux-hawk or piercings (facial or otherwise). However, Oliver probably has a tattoo obtained in a fit of post-game insobriety.

1. Oliver is obsessed with Quidditch, but not a dumb jock. I think he's best at strategy, and after a brief career actually playing, he'll recognize this and will go on to coach or manage a team, which is what he'll be more renowned for in the end.

2. Percy is rather like a kinder, gentler version of Arnold Rimmer from Red Dwarf. Although I think he's distinguished by being more competent and less of a complete bastard, this is a really good analogy. There's an icon in a Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts series that goes, "I will not draw an H on Percy Weasley's forehead" that makes me crack up every time. For those of you who don't watch Red Dwarf (which you should, because it's the best television series of all time), that means that Percy is uptight, repressed, rules-fetishizing, and sometimes a bit of a git, but mostly as a result of insecurity and self-loathing.

3. Continuing the analogy, Oliver follows Percy going "What a guy!" like he's Ace Rimmer. :D

4. Why? Oliver's a bit of a closet nerd. My feeling that this is absolute canon is completely based on a a slightly bizarre experience I once had, which I will go into now because it's my livejournal and I can... but feel free to skip ahead.

In my teens I was out, as both gay and nerdy, neither of which went over very well in my rural high school. (The nerdy was pretty obvious, and the gayness became public domain when a guy friend who was crushing on me got angry that I wasn't interested back and shared the news.) Consequently, at some point during my sophomore year, I placed an ad on a glbt youth website advertising interest in just-friends penpals. I heard back from someone with a semi-local ISP who purported to be a girl named Elana. We struck up correspondence ranging from all kinds of ultra-nerdy topics from philosophy to nitpicking episodes of Xena. The emailing eventually stopped, I think when I suggested the idea of meeting in person because we really did seem to be hitting it off intellectually. I didn't think of it again until my senior year, when my school put together an email directory. When I was looking up someone else, I happened across an awfully familiar email address, and lo! it belonged to a popular "dumb jock" who'd always made fun of me in English class. After checking that the addresses were really exactly the same, I confronted the guy and he was way, way too embarrassed for me to believe that he and "Elana" weren't the same person. Hee. The fact that his codename was Elana particularly cracks me up, in that he'd clearly been paying more attention to vocab in English class than he let on!

Anyway, my point is that people who get pigeonholed as jocks are usually really discouraged from developing more intellectual interests because it's uncool. But, some, like Mr. "Elana", clearly have loads of hidden depths kept under wraps! (For what it's worth, I hope he's gone on to be comfortable with his nerdiness... and his sexuality, because hey, what was he doing on the gay youth website in the first place?)

5. Oliver and Percy were never super-best friends. Oliver had a bit of a crush on Percy at some point during the Hogwarts years, but that was even more reason to avoid getting close to him. The crush never went anywhere at the time, although there may have been some secret-admirer hijinx. :)

6. Oliver is very gay, and figured it out at some point during his teens, but used "I'm too into Quidditch to have a girlfriend" as an excuse to avoid dating girls. (He is not, however, sought after by every single girl in the school, because he's reasonably good looking but not Greek-God-level divine.) I like to think that traveling after he signs on with Puddlemere gives him the chance to play the field in the other sense as well, whether or not it involves heading into the Muggle world.

7. Percy is really good at what he does, and rather obsessed with climbing the ranks at the Ministry, and consequently actually WAS "too into work to have a girlfriend". Penny eventually broke things off because she wanted someone who could really be there for her, but she and Percy are still friends, which was the foundation of their relationship all along. (My Penelope Clearwater is really a very nice girl and supportive and otherwise ready to transition into being Percy's faghag. No Penny bashing!) I've written Percy as an enormous closet-case for convenience of plot, but really I think he's most likely to be bi, and rather unlikely to have explored the guys part of his sexuality because social mores in the Wizarding world are quite conservative (and Percy's rather unlikely to rebel against them without a good bit of prodding).

8. Giving Oliver a personality? Sure, if "adoring" isn't enough of a descriptor. I tend to think he's a bit spastic and impulsive, as well as rather messy. He's either exuberant or in a strop, as indicated by his Canon vacillating between drowning himself in the shower and celebrating. I like to think he's not necessarily a born natural at Quidditch, but succeeded as a result of determination and being a bit pig-headed... personality traits that will obviously be important in getting to Percy. Oh, and I tend to write Oliver as having a rather dorky sense of humor (puns!), mostly because it balances well with my Percy, and a bit of a swearing problem because at least one character needs to be an outlet for my profanity.

9. A majority of Quidditch merchandising takes the form of innuendo-laden underwear. Er, why? I don't know, it just keeps coming up in my fic. Themed underwear is just awesome, though, so why not?

10. Percy is prideful and refuses to admit he was wrong, hence the estrangement from his family. As intriguing as I find the idea that he's been spying and his being such a bastard to his family was a part of the plan all-along, that's not really how it happens in my little fanon world. As someone to whom family was really important, being all on his own is a really big deal, and he's now rather lonely and emo but still not willing to make the first step at reconciling.

So when Percy and Oliver get together, it's post-Hogwarts and roughly on the premise of rather lonely isolated Percy running into an old classmate. I've got a long plotty epic planned which brings Oliver to the Ministry as a result of widespread corruption in the world of professional Quidditch, that I really should write before book 7 comes out and renders the whole thing AU.

Enough navelgazing... time to go out to Buddy Holly tribute show, because horn-rimmed glasses are clearly where it's at!

Probability - a Percy/Oliver flashfic

2007-01-28T23:06:03Z

Title: Probability
Summary: Percy does the math.
Pairings: Percy/Oliver, Ginny/Pansy, meta/crack (OTP!)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: explicit math, nerdy innuendos.
Length: 700 words plus a bunch of back-of-the-envelope (really napkin) calculations because I was taught always to show my work.
Disclaimer: See below? There's math, ergo, I'm obviously not J.K.R. However, I am playing with her characters for fun, education and no profit whatsoever.
Author's notes: Thanks to imogenelovelace for the beta, and to magneticpole for asking "Are any of the Weasleys plausibly gay?"

Ginny, still clutching Pansy's hand, sank down onto a barstool. "I mean, seriously, what are the chances?" she said, then flagged down the bartender for another, desperately needed drink. "Poor mum."

Percy said "Hmmm," in that affected way of his, adjusted his glasses and stole the napkin from under Oliver's glass. He scribbled a bit with a quill and ink he'd produced from god-knows-where - honestly, even worse than Pansy and her handbag! Ginny was just beginning to worry that her brother had cracked under the strain of encountering an estranged family member at a gay bar, when Percy pronounced, rather triumphantly, "Naught point one five!"

"Pardon?" said Ginny. She was certain she must have misheard, given the loud techno beat filling the room, but wasn't quite sure if "Naughty fun dive" made more sense coming from Percy, even if she had been having quite a good time before running into her brother.

"Well, 0.1496, really, but close enough," said Percy, like that explained anything.

"What is the swot on about?" asked Pansy, from her perch on Ginny's lap.

"Well, obviously I'm assuming a binomial distribution, and a ten percent chance across each of seven children."

Oliver laughed and pressed a kiss into Percy's slightly unruly hair, and said, rather besottedly, "Do you even know how adorable you are?"

Ginny had no words for responding to that: prolonged exposure to Percy had clearly driven his boyfriend 'round the proverbial bend as well.

"Of course, that's quite cautious an estimate," Percy carried on, like anyone really cared... and indeed, Ginny was faintly disturbed to note that Oliver Wood was looking at her brother like mathematical proof might be a particularly kinky form of foreplay. "For example, if you used Kinsey's dataset from the fifties, which would be rather consistent, really - you know, given that I dated Penny, and Ginny dated all of those boys - that would make neither one of us a Kinsey Six, I'd say that two or more out of seven Weasley children being involved with members of the same sex is quite probable, even."

Pansy snickered and nicked Ginny's drink, while Ginny tried hard to find words.

This was easy not to do given that Oliver was gazing adoringly at her brother like he'd taken too many bludgers to the head, which was just about the only part of the situation that made a certain amount of sense: Ginny supposed he probably had to be a bit touched in the head to enjoy spending time with Percy, of all people.

Oliver was just starting to gabble about how he considered himself very lucky indeed, and Percy was blushing and insisting that it was really just a simple matter of stochasticity and that there wasn't any such thing as luck, just probability, when Ginny finally interjected, "Merlin! I don't believe you!"

Percy of course interpreted this literally, and waved his napkin in her face. "No, really, even our conservative estimate is actually quite a lot bigger than the chances of having had one or no girls in as many children, which is, oh, right, just exactly one sixteenth. And that clearly happened, didn't it?"

Ginny massaged her temple, willing her head not to explode.

Percy blinked owlishly at her, then added, "But I do see your point about how a binomial distribution might really be quite inappropriate on account of the underlying assumptions of independence, what with genetics and all. But again, that only makes it more likely, so let's just agree to use 0.15 as a lower-bound. A very conservative lower bound."

"But that's just about the only thing that's conservative!" Oliver said gleefully, bouncing up and down on his barstool a little, then leaned in closer and said into Percy's ear something that may or may not have been "Plus you know you can investigate my lower bound anytime."

Ginny grimaced and whined into Pansy's hair, "Circe's bountiful bosoms, it was a rhetorical question!"

Secretly, though, it was a bit reassuring that no matter who he dated, and whom he was snogging in public, and whether or not he might possibly be wearing glitter, Percy would always be Percy.

And there you have it, the nerdiest thing I have ever written! (And my apologies about the messy handwriting - it's actually quite hard to write neatly on a napkin!)

ETA: Woe, I am mortified that there was a > vs < error! Seriously, no more writing fic or doing math in a state of extreme long-term sleep deprivation.

Percy/Oliver fanvid rec: What Are You Waiting For?

2007-01-26T21:54:19Z

This is a really adorable Percy/Oliver fanvideo I had the good fortune to stumble upon on YouTube. It amazes me in good part because, hi, it's a Percy/Oliver fanvideo. Not only is that practically miraculous given the tiny parts both Oliver and Percy play in the HP movies... but how fabulous is the mere existence of such a thing, anyway?

This is the description provided by DuerreMathers, who put this labor of love together:

Percy is straight. Oliver is not. And he likes Percy. Oliver tries to get Percy to see that, and that being gay is not a bad thing. Percy makes excuses, his biggest one being, "You're too obsessed with Quidditch." He wants to know why Oliver is so into a game that nearly killed him. Oliver says he'll give up Quidditch for Percy. Percy doesn't believe it. The next year rolls around, and Percy gives Oliver an excuse that he can't possibly deny: Percy has a girlfriend. Oliver is crushed and throws himself into Quidditch. Percy starts to take notice, but alas, he remains with Penelope in the end.

So, what are you waiting for? Here it is:

I particularly love the use of pining!Oliver, rather than the much more traditional pining!Percy. Even though I have a famously low tolerance for unhappy endings, and the Percy and Oliver in my head don't really resemble the movieverse, I really enjoyed this!

I've come to the conclusion that a fairly-rare pair is totally the best to have as an OTP: anything you write probably hasn't been done to death yet (even if you deal mostly in hackneyed cliches and soapy romance novel plots!)... but you still have enough of a community to provide you with inspiration, like this awesome video!

Five Ways Oliver Never Helped Percy Reconcile With His Family, Percy/Oliver short stories.

2007-01-23T10:45:54Z

Title: Five Ways Oliver Never Helped Percy Reconcile With His Family
For:best_of_five as a part of slashfest
Pairing: Percy/Oliver
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 3750
Warnings: UST and angst (#5), implied cruisy bathroom sex (#4), non-con but not for sex (#2), the first-ever Oliver Wood mpreg (#1)... but you can skip as you wish because each bit stands alone.
Prompt/Summary: Percy is caught between anguish at being cut off from his family and struggling with making the first step at mending the breach. Oliver helps him find the courage.
Disclaimer: Percy and Oliver belong to J.K.R., even though they clearly belong with each other.
Author's note: The first couple of totally insane ideas I had were just too fun to pass up, so I wrote them all as ficlets for the "ways that never happened". However, if you don't want the brilliant, seriously angsty prompt mangled into irreverent silliness, accept my apologies and the promise that "...And One Way He Did" is a piece of artwork that's half-done and that will, when finished, be appropriately angsty and serious. Many thanks to imogenelovelace for the beta even when it meant reading a squick.

(5. Roommates) (4. Anonymous) (3. Queerditch Marsh) (2. Mother Knows Best) (1. Accidents)