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Fanfiction of Very Questionable Repute

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This is a fic journal, so presumably, you're here to read the fic! Everything I write is archived at Skyehawke upon completion, but also listed below by pairing and with ratings. So far, only Harry Potter fics here, though that may eventually change.

DefinitionsCollapse )

Oliver/Percy

Remus/Sirius

  • Trompe L'Oeil for Two, short story, PG-13: the totally canon-compliant happily-ever-after.
  • Plein Air for Two***, novelette, R: the further adventures of two very badly behaved portraits, sequel to the above. Explicit sex!
  • History Repeats Itself, flashfic, PG: which makes the reader wonder, like Hermione, whether anyone has actually read "Hogwarts:A History".
  • Riding Like a Big Dog, short story, PG-13: Remus eavesdrops and is needlessly jealous until Sirius clears up the confusion. Featuring my OT3!
  • Teaching by Example, short story, PG-13: the bits of Prisoner of Azkaban that didn't show up in thirteen-year-old Harry's POV.

Other pairings, which tend to all go together: Hermione/Ron, Draco/Harry, Pansy/Ginny

  • Gryffindor/Slytherin Relations, short story, R: total crack, centered around Harry and Draco, but woe betide all pairings unlucky enough to be swept into this silliness!
  • Matching-Muff Matrimony****, novella, NC-17: like the offspring of crackfic and a romance novel, wherein Ginny and Pansy find ways to tolerate each other in their marriage of convenience.

Mostly for my own benefit so that I am reminded to work on them, here are works-in-progress:
Little bunny Frou-Frou, hopping through the forest...Collapse )

And here are ideas that are officially on the backburner right now:
...scooping up the field-mice and bopping them on the head!Collapse )

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Dear fandom,

It's been a long time, and I know I did you wrong. It's totally reprehensible to drop out of fic exchanges at the last minute, especially when one left obscure-ass prompts that are unlikely to be of interest to anyone else. It's almost as reprehensible as not responding to comments that you've been faithfully leaving on my fic all this time!

What can I say, baby: I'm really sorry. It was me, not you. I had to deal with getting my shit together in real life, such as figuring out what I want to do with my life and securing employment and travelling to see family and figuring out how to go about starting my own family.

And, I have to be honest with you: I've been seeing other hobbies since we last got together. I have developed quite a torrid little fling with running... and training for a half-marathon is kind of a commitment that I've made to my other hobby, and that comes first right now.

But still, sweetiecakes, I miss you, and so, fandom, I'm begging you: please take me back! I got a steady job, so your mother doesn't have to nag about how I'm no good for you. I'm happy with my life, so I promise you won't have to deal with my emo wangsting anymore. And I'm even 70 lbs lighter than when we last saw each other, so now you don't have to lie to me anymore about whether or not that font color makes my butt look big.

It's been a long time, I know - I missed your latest canon release and all kinds of LJ wank. And I'm still not sure I'm ready to make any full-on commitments to you. For example, I don't think I'm right for fic exchanges, and I won't toy with that kind of promise anymore.

But, still, in spite of it all, I think it's time we started seeing each other again!

Love and contrition,
Eloise
Current Music:
Flight of the Conchords- Business Time
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OMG, does anyone know how hard it is to have a nice, normal, gay scooter club meeting and ride around the lake on your adorable gay scooters, when suddenly legions of the undead start pursuing you and you don't even have windows or doors to lock?

I am going to have the hardest time getting the gristle out of my tire grooves in time for Pride! But I stopped by at the video store and rented an Almodovar and a Jackie Chan, yay, so we'll be entertained, even if the rental fees might add up by the time this whole zombie apocalypse thing blows over.

And isn't it lucky I spent last weekend canning so we totally have a lot of delicious fruit preserves to avoid scurvy when we run out of refrigerated fruit and vegetables, in like a week? I am totally going to start a new comm, nozombiehomemkr, since slashyhomemaker hasn't updated today and I fear there may be none left. Defeating the assault of evil, brain-sucking minions of evil, one helpful household hint at a time!

I totally refuse to become a zombie! I am so a vegetarian. No, cheating with sushi doesn't mean I'm willing to cheat with human brains. Although, I suppose Martha might have some tips to make the ritualistic sucking out of brains a more dignified and special occasion... then I suppose I might reconsider.

I'm only doing this because it's late enough that everyone's probably seen the explanation before, because I'd hate to spread apocalypse panic, but in case you haven't, clicky the link
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My mental picture of Percy has just been irrevocably shattered.

I am lying here on my stomach in our lovely if slightly over-the-top canopy bed, with the laptop in front of me, pretending to be working on editing my HD_hols fic so that it includes more, you know, H/D, but really reading my flist. imogenelovelace is using the small of my back as a pillow while rereading GoF, but also contemplating why the tummy bits of our Persian cat get furry faster than the rest of her when really, they're the bits that should stay hairless longer in order to make the traumatic shaving process less frequent. (Perhaps it's because she exposes The Tummy Which Shall Never Be Brushed Upon Pain of Death And Not Her Own to the world so much: right now she's in her usual upside-down doughnut configuration... where "she" is the cat, not the wife.) It's all very cozy and exactly what 2 am should look like.

But then, my dear resident Grammar Goddess shatters the domestic idyll with the following bombshell:

"Well, I certainly don't," said Percy, sanctimoniously. "I shudder to think what the state of my in-tray would be if I was away from work for five days."

ACK IMPROPER LACK OF SUBJUNCTIVE OH PERCY MY BOY WHAT HAS SHE DONE TO YOU?!?! (... where "she" is J.K.R.)

Please someone tell me that this is J.K.R. and not Percy. I am dying. And if I am dying, when I am capable of such horrible sins against grammar as the above sentence and the second paragraph, it is dire indeed.

Dear new friends: I am going to do a proper introduction post eventually. In the meantime, I promise I am not always this spastic, honestly.

ETA: This is the worse mood theme ever, if that's the yellow smiley face's idea of shocked. My own face is more like O.o with flaily hands for emphasis.
Current Mood:
shocked shocked
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Yes, I know it's a quiz, but it's so worth it to find out that I'm Ginny and Hermione's love child!Collapse )

Seriously, this cracks me up. I think it's great that this quiz just happens to include slashy couples like it's totally no big deal. Aww.

ETA: Actually, what really cracks me up is the prospect of Draco and Tom Riddle having a nice, cozy, domestic family together. Heee.
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My thesis is finally submitted! At 130 pages, it's the longest thing I've written... although, that's depressing and I hope to remedy it soon by writing something even longer that I hate considerably less!

People have been asking me what it is that I'm going to do to celebrate, and my answer has been "Sleeping!" which is true, because I haven't had more than a nap for literally weeks and I am so, so tired. The follow up question is, "So what else are you going to do to celebrate?" which is kind of awkward because while "Catch up with friends whom I have neglected!" and "Clean my house!" and "Go for runs!" and "Celebrate my wedding anniversary and Valentine's day several months late!" and "Read some actual books!" and "Paint my toenails!" are all on the list of things I am looking forward to, the real answer is, "Write some Harry Potter porn! And catch up on reading everyone else's Harry Potter porn!" and I can't really say that to my coworkers. :P

But, after having turned in the thesis and had some happy hour sushi, I crawled home and into bed at approximately 7 pm, and slept until 9:30 am, thereby tripling the amount of sleep I had cumulatively gotten in the entire previous week. I woke up long enough for breakfast of an Easter egg and toast, called my family to let them know that mission had been accomplished, then I faffed around a bit with the computer, watched an episode of "Are You Being Served?" and promptly fell asleep for another couple of hours. OMG, yay.

But once I am caught up on sleeping (soon, I'm thinking, because this is getting ridiculous! I have at least gotten out of my pyjamas in preparation for not-sleeping), there is totally going to be fic!


Also: did I miss anything awesome during my hiatus? Please rec me fic I might have missed, dear flist!
Current Music:
my wheezy Persian cat snorting cheerfully away on my lap.
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Tangled Tentacles by imogenelovelace. HP/Pirates of the Caribbean crossover. Romantic, fluffy and very PG - because cephalopods get lonely too. Giant Squid/Kraken, naturally.

I have the best wife ever. I don't think there's anything better to counteract the Master's induced emo! <3
Tags:
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OMG, floweringjudas managed to combine two of my favorite fanfic elements. The result is not at all like combining chocolate and cheese, but rather, awesome in a totally beyond-additive way. Said elements are Percy/Oliver (yeah, surprising, I know, but wait for it!) and femmeslash. Yes. Percy/Oliver femmeslash. You all need to read A Learning Opportunity/The One Where Percy and Oliver Are Girls, seriously... even if you thought you didn't like Percy/Oliver, or if you thought you didn't like femmeslash, or if you don't like either (which does rather beg the question of why you're in my journal, but still, you will love this story anyway). Oh my god. Even as girls, Percy and Oliver are wonderfully in character, especially Oliver's POV makes me giddy with its awesomeness. It's hot and well-written, and also as hilarious as something with the premise should be, and now all I want to do is draw fanart of girl!Percy and girl!Oliver and not finish grading papers.

Plus, it's generally been a great time to be a Percy fan (and a crummy time to be finishing up grad school):

  • There's a new community, frecksandspecs, which is a Percy-centric fic-and-art community which I am thrilled to have been invited to.

  • Also open are signups for the percy_ficathon third wave, and since the deadline isn't until August, you have no reason not to sign up. Just imagine, you could be asked to write my cracktastic prompt requesting Percy to be set in a Lifetime Original Movie...or the several dozen much more inspired prompts which almost make me want to create sockpuppets to enter multiple times. I can hardly contain my excitement! Also, it looks like Percy/Oliver is showing up a lot in requests, which should either make you want to sign up to add some diversity or should make you want to sign up to get some of these fabulous prompts.


Plus, hp_springsmut has been a veritable font of Percy/Oliver! All of it worth checking out, but, specifically I wanted to point out WAGs to Riches, by nqdonne which really needs more attention than it's gotten. Nonmagical AU, NC-17. Just go read it - it's profoundly funny and the smut is sexy, with a really fabulously oblivious Percy, a wonderful supporting cast of Charlie, and a sweet, crushing Oliver that's totally written just the way the ship makes most sense to me. Also features amazingly random post-shag dialog, very realistic!

OK, back to work now. But you should go read the above stories, which is really what I'd like to do!
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So, I am often of the school of thought that some of the sexiest things to read about are often not actual sex, and I have a rec that brilliantly proves this point:

Precision Speaking by cest_what, very soft R.

Honestly, in a very short space blindmouse has perfectly distilled down the entire experience of suffering from a tormented hopeless crush, including that glorious moment when you realize it might not be hopeless after all. It's sweet without being saccharine, adorable without being fluffy, and poetic without being purple. Besides the brilliant writing, I especially adore her characterizations of Oliver (the narrator) and Percy (the very carefully observed), and wonder how long it will take them to produce an actual conversation.

I defy anyone to read this and not flail with joy, and since it's only 1500 words, you have no excuse for not brightening your day considerably. Highly recommended ... even for those on the flist who think I'm a bit insane with my fondness for the pairing!
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I think what Marauder fans forget all-too-often is that the 70s were a period of intensely awesome hair... and also, glam wasn't the only music out there. Not even England, for all that it seems alluring and cultured, escaped the musical sophistication of American 70s pop.



For the record, this is absolutely the sort of facial hair that I envision both Remus and Sirius trying for - though I think that Remus was the first Marauder to fully attain the pornstache, making him the object of envy and lust! Also, that haircut? Is clearly exactly what JKR meant when she talked about Sirius's hair falling elegantly into his eyes!

My apologies for the scary insight into my vivid imagination and horrible musical tastes. My fondness for this song can be entirely blamed on Vivian Darkbloom's genius White Trash series (Xena/Gabrielle, ueber, and strongly recommended to anyone who has even the slightest interest in the pairing).

ETA: The actual quote describing Sirius's hair is "his dark hair fell into his eyes with a sort of casual elegance". Uh-huh! Exactly like the lead singer in this video!
Current Location:
not the supermarket, but you can pretend
Current Mood:
enthralled
Current Music:
England Dan and John Ford Coley - I'd Really Love To See You
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